What to Send Instead of Flowers for a Death: Exploring Thoughtful Alternatives

What to Send Instead of Flowers for a Death: Exploring Thoughtful Alternatives

When someone passes away, sending flowers is a traditional way to express condolences. However, in today’s world, many people are looking for more meaningful or personalized ways to show support during a time of grief. While flowers are beautiful and symbolic, they may not always resonate with the bereaved or align with their preferences. This article explores thoughtful alternatives to sending flowers after a death, offering a variety of ideas that can provide comfort, support, and lasting memories.


1. Donations in Memory of the Deceased

One of the most meaningful alternatives to flowers is making a donation to a charity or cause that was close to the deceased’s heart. This not only honors their memory but also contributes to a cause they cared about. Whether it’s a local animal shelter, a medical research foundation, or an environmental organization, a donation can create a lasting impact. Many families even specify a preferred charity in the obituary, making it easier for friends and loved ones to contribute.


2. Personalized Memorial Gifts

A personalized gift can serve as a lasting tribute to the deceased. Consider items such as:

  • Customized jewelry: A necklace or bracelet engraved with the deceased’s name, initials, or a meaningful date.
  • Photo books or frames: A collection of cherished memories that the family can treasure.
  • Memorial candles: These can be lit during moments of reflection or on special anniversaries.

These gifts provide a tangible way to remember and honor the person who has passed away.


3. Food and Meal Deliveries

Grieving families often find it difficult to focus on everyday tasks, including cooking. Sending a meal or arranging for a meal delivery service can be incredibly helpful. Consider:

  • Home-cooked meals: If you live nearby, preparing a dish and delivering it personally can be a heartfelt gesture.
  • Gift cards for meal delivery services: Platforms like DoorDash, Uber Eats, or local restaurants can provide flexibility for the family.
  • Snack baskets: A collection of easy-to-eat snacks can be comforting during long days of mourning.

4. Plants Instead of Cut Flowers

If you still want to send something green and growing, consider a potted plant instead of cut flowers. Plants like peace lilies, succulents, or small trees can serve as a living memorial and last much longer than traditional bouquets. They also symbolize growth and resilience, which can be comforting during a difficult time.


5. Handwritten Letters or Sympathy Cards

In our digital age, a handwritten letter or sympathy card can feel especially meaningful. Take the time to share a fond memory of the deceased, express your condolences, and offer your support. These messages can provide comfort and serve as a keepsake for the family.


6. Offer Practical Help

Sometimes, the most valuable gift is your time and effort. Offer to help with specific tasks, such as:

  • Running errands: Grocery shopping, picking up prescriptions, or handling other chores.
  • Childcare or pet care: Providing support for young children or pets can relieve some of the family’s burden.
  • Household tasks: Cleaning, gardening, or organizing can be overwhelming for those in mourning.

7. Create a Memory Jar

A memory jar is a simple yet heartfelt gift. Provide a jar and slips of paper, and encourage friends and family to write down their favorite memories of the deceased. The family can read these notes whenever they need comfort or a reminder of the love surrounding them.


8. Art or Keepsakes

Commissioning a piece of art or a keepsake in memory of the deceased can be a unique and touching gesture. Ideas include:

  • Custom portraits: A painting or drawing of the deceased or a meaningful scene.
  • Handmade quilts or blankets: These can provide physical comfort and serve as a lasting reminder of their loved one.
  • Engraved stones or plaques: These can be placed in a garden or another meaningful location.

9. Books on Grief and Healing

For those who find solace in reading, consider gifting a book on grief and healing. Titles like “The Year of Magical Thinking” by Joan Didion or “It’s OK That You’re Not OK” by Megan Devine can offer comfort and guidance during a difficult time.


10. Support Their Hobbies or Interests

If the deceased had a particular hobby or interest, consider sending something related to it. For example:

  • Gardening tools or seeds: For someone who loved gardening.
  • Art supplies: For a creative individual.
  • Books or music: Reflecting their favorite genres or authors.

11. Contribute to a Memorial Fund

Many families set up memorial funds to cover funeral expenses, create a scholarship, or support a specific project in honor of their loved one. Contributing to such a fund can be a meaningful way to show your support.


12. Offer a Listening Ear

Sometimes, the best gift you can give is your presence. Let the grieving family know that you are available to listen, whether they want to share memories, express their feelings, or simply sit in silence.


13. Create a Digital Tribute

In today’s connected world, a digital tribute can be a beautiful way to honor someone’s memory. Consider creating:

  • An online memorial page: Platforms like ForeverMissed or Legacy.com allow you to share photos, stories, and condolences.
  • A video montage: Compile photos and videos set to music as a tribute to the deceased.

14. Send Comfort Items

Grieving can be physically and emotionally exhausting. Sending comfort items like cozy blankets, scented candles, or soothing teas can provide a small measure of comfort during a difficult time.


15. Respect Cultural or Personal Preferences

Finally, it’s important to consider the cultural or personal preferences of the bereaved. Some cultures or individuals may have specific traditions or beliefs about what is appropriate to send after a death. Taking the time to understand and respect these preferences can make your gesture even more meaningful.


Q: Is it appropriate to send money instead of flowers?
A: Yes, sending money can be a practical and thoughtful gesture, especially if the family is facing financial burdens related to funeral expenses or other costs.

Q: What if I don’t know the family’s preferences?
A: If you’re unsure, consider reaching out to a close friend or family member for guidance. Alternatively, opt for a versatile gift like a meal delivery or a donation to a general charity.

Q: How soon should I send a sympathy gift?
A: It’s best to send your gift within a week or two of the death, but even later gestures can be appreciated as the family continues to grieve.

Q: Can I send something humorous or lighthearted?
A: It depends on the family’s personality and relationship with the deceased. If humor was a significant part of their bond, a lighthearted gift or memory might be appropriate. However, always err on the side of caution and sensitivity.

By considering these alternatives, you can offer meaningful support to those who are grieving, showing that you care in a way that resonates deeply with their needs and preferences.